One more project down and only a gazillion to go. I gave Mitch two weeks off from home improvement projects and threw in a weekend hunting trip to boot to relax him before tackling the latest project, new kitchen countertops. Should have been a cakewalk right, especially since both countertops were only six feet long and no corners. Wrong, never is in this house.
First surprise of the day was when I just pulled the one side off by myself, shocking Mitch that the old countertop was not anchored to the cabinets. Not surprising to me, by now nothing surprises me about this house. We switched out the old countertop for the new one, done easy peasy. I thought that the second would be almost as quick, unhook the drains, garbage disposal and faucet, and lift off. That part went fairly fast so things were looking hopeful.
Cutting the new hole and fitting the sink was a bit more challenging. Many measurements with the tape measure were taken, just to be sure that the hole wasn’t cut too big. You can always make a hole bigger, but you can’t make a hole smaller. I walked into the kitchen to find Mitch drawing the outline of the sink in permanent marker on the top of the new countertop. I rubbed the center line he had drawn to the edge of the countertop that would be exposed, it didn’t come off. I looked at him and said that this will not work having a black line across my new countertop, oh no. He turned and left to find something that would remove the marker and thus would get to reside on the planet another day. Luckily, Windex worked like a champ. Mitch is off the endangered species list for now.
The jigsaw wouldn’t get quite close enough to the back splash to make the back side cut, so that took different blades, cutting angles and eventually a different saw to get a close cut. Next came the fitting of the sink into the new hole. It didn’t, surprise. How can you measure, measure and measure again and then it doesn’t fit? That caused Meltdown number one. Out came the rubber mallet, at least it wasn’t the sledgehammer. Two new dents to the stainless steel sink and it fit. Woo hoo.
The container of plumbers putty was dried up and hard, so Mitch had to add water to soften it up. Meltdown number two came when he asked for my help holding the sink in the hole so he could attach the fasteners that clamp onto the underside of the sink and secure it to the countertop. I walked to the backside of the countertop which was sitting on blocks in the dining room and waited for direction. Evidently I had turned off my mental telepathy switch and didn’t know that I was to immediately grab the countertop and sink in a death grip to hold it in place. Mitch bent down and flipped up the front side causing the sink to slip. Huge meltdown. I told him he needed to use his words. Not very smart on my part, using sarcasm in the face of unmitigated rage. At least he didn’t toss me across the room, just sent the dust brush flying. Second attempt and this time I grabbed the sink but it slipped again, causing Mitch to say that he would just secure the sink to the countertop on his back in the kitchen with the countertop supported by the cabinets, among other more colorful words.
We carried the countertop sans sink to the kitchen and placed it on the cabinets. He set the sink in the hole in the countertop and I thought that maybe it wouldn’t be very long before this would be finished. Wrong again, I should be used to being wrong a lot. I made myself scarce when I heard the comment, “If one more thing goes wrong, I’m lighting a match.”
The third meltdown was almost anticlimactic compared to meltdown number two, sort of like an aftershock. Mitch decided there weren’t enough sink clips to secure the sink to the countertop. That set off a string of ranting and raving about why nothing is ever simple and easy about the house. I wisely chose not to remind him that the house was in his family long before I came into the picture.
Ten o’clock at night and the new countertop project was finally finished. It only took fourteen hours and three meltdowns, a new record somewhere I’m sure.