A woman's view of hunting…with men

guns, dogs and birds

It’s Okay

Today is the day. Today is the day I’ve been waiting nervously, anxiously for. Today is the day I’ve been dreading. I made the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I didn’t make the decision lightly. I came to this decision after three other lumpectomies, albeit all benign, and I don’t want to have to make a decision like this ever again.

I’ve joked about the cancer, mocked it and made fun of myself for getting breast cancer. Some might think I was being callous, not being caring and thoughtful of others that are and have gone through this, but I’m not. This has been the only way I can deal with having cancer. To mock it and laugh about it is my defense against it. Otherwise I would walk around like a zombie feeling sorry for myself, sorry, that is not me. Besides I wouldn’t put my family and friends through that misery.

My family and friends have been outstanding through this long waiting period. There have been lunches and dinners (with alcohol), shopping trips to buy zip up tops, pajamas and undershirts for the healing process and too many hugs to count. A dear coworker even bought me a massage for the night before surgery just to help me relax and have positive energy. Poor Mitch, who has especially had to endure my warped sense of humor and totally inappropriate comments, has no idea how much I love him. I told him last night that he was the best time I ever had. Just in case.

This morning after no food or drink after midnight, not even a cup of coffee, I get to go have dye injected in me, have both my boobs whacked off and the rebuilding begun. Of course on top of having all of this fun, I get to go wearing NO MAKEUP. This from the woman who gets up an hour early on hunting trips just to shower and put on makeup.

Now that today has finally come, I’m scared. I wasn’t going to let it get to me, but it did. Damn cancer. But I’ve decided that today it’s okay to be scared.

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November 26, 2013 - Posted by | Creative Writing, short story, surgery | , , , , , , , , , ,

30 Comments »

  1. You Are Beautiful.

    Sent from my iPhone

    Comment by Linda Kramer | November 26, 2013 | Reply

    • Thank you I needed that.

      Comment by susank456 | November 26, 2013 | Reply

  2. Best of luck to you for a successful surgery and speedy recovery. I have a friend who made a similar decision about 6 years ago. It was OK for her and it will be for you too. :)

    Comment by 2browndawgs | November 26, 2013 | Reply

  3. I’m projecting an enormous mass of positive energy that way. Relax and don’t forget to breathe.

    Comment by noir33 | November 26, 2013 | Reply

    • That is probably the best advice, breathe. The surgery went well, Right now laying around is the most I can muster/

      Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013 | Reply

  4. Sending you all my best!

    Comment by rachelmankowitz | November 26, 2013 | Reply

  5. It will be okay. And just think of all the horrible jokes that will come out of this experience! Of course please update us when you can.

    Comment by heretherebespiders | November 26, 2013 | Reply

    • The best part is that the horrible jokes will probably be coming from me. The surgery went well and now it’s recovery time.

      Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013 | Reply

      • Hi! I was thinking about you yesterday. Glad to hear you are in the recovery phase. Plenty of time to think up some snappy one liners!

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • yeah once the fog lifts.

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • Ooo, are you blogging while under the influence of heavy narcotics?

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • only making short statements, just in case.

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • Are you back home, or still in hospital?

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • Home. They let me out yesterday afternoon. My bed is much better.

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • Of course! Are any of the furry ones there to keep you company?

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • Oh yes they both have been hovering close to me. Laying next to me and leaning on me. I think they missed me.

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • Aww! And they do know when you aren’t feeling well. I’m smiling :)

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • Thanks they can be quite endearing when they want to be.

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • That’s perfect :)

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • Stinkers, but I love them.

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • Of course! We’ve invited our girl up on the couch (where I’d be, if in recovery). I’d love it if I could ever get both humans, both cats, and the dog up there! Happiness on a sofa-boat :)

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

      • That would be perfect. We need to invent that. We could call it “the recovery boat”

        Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013

      • I can’t think of anything nicer! The poor dogeen is terrified of the Siamese however. He’s made up of pointy bits, you know.

        Comment by heretherebespiders | November 29, 2013

  6. Thoughts and prayers are with you, Susan. It’s okay to be scared, but you are a strong woman, and with Mitch’s love and support, and all of us who care about you, you will get through this. Will be waiting to hear how you are doing! :)

    Comment by Lisa Begs | November 26, 2013 | Reply

    • Thank you Lisa. I’m feeling better today. It was a bit rough Tuesday and Wednesday.

      Comment by susank456 | November 29, 2013 | Reply

  7. Don’t know what life has in store for us..Hope you get better..Good luck

    Comment by nightlake | December 1, 2013 | Reply

    • My new outlook on life is making each day the best day I can.

      Comment by susank456 | December 1, 2013 | Reply

  8. I of course don’t know you, but I’ll keep you in my prayers.

    Comment by funnyphilosopher | December 3, 2013 | Reply

    • Thank you so much. I need al the help I can get.

      Comment by susank456 | December 3, 2013 | Reply


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