Oh God Not Now! (final excerpt)

At that moment, Paul walked up and started to talk to us, saw the look of my face, and asked if everything was all right?  Paul always looks out for me, knowing that Mitch sometimes has too much confidence in me, so Paul worries.

I said, “Everything is fine.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I interrupted you two,” he said thinking we were arguing.

Mitch said, “It’s not that, Susan just needs to use the ladies room.”

So Paul moved off and Mitch handed me his packet of travel Kleenexes as well and said, “When we start off working this draw, lag back and find a secluded spot and make the necessary adjustments.”

It seemed like it took forever to get everyone rounded up and get moving.  The six of us started working the draw in a “vee” shape with me towards the back.  Mitch walked over to me and pointed out a dense area ahead.  I spotted a likely spot, fairly secluded with two trees and tall underbrush, just the ticket to cover my exposed body.  All the while, I was thinking to myself that if I have bloodstains that show, I would never hunt with these men again.  I would just die of embarrassment.

Just as I was settling in and had laid my gun down and was in process of taking off my shell belt, I noticed Patrick, one of the members of out hunting group stop about 100 feet in front of me.  I stood there watching as he laid his gun down and sat down on the ground.  He unlaced his boot and took it off.   I stood gritting my teeth, waiting, hoping he would hurry up.  I prayed for lightning to strike him dead.  He then adjusted his sock, taking all the time in the world.  I was to the point that I almost shot him myself.  I was so frustrated that I could only stomp off down the draw, thinking he didn’t know how close to death he was.  I caught up to Mitch and he asked if I got everything taken care of.

“No!  Patrick decided to sit down and take off his boots.”  I was almost in tears.

“Well let’s find you another spot and this time I’ll stand guard,” he said.

Luckily there was another spot not to far ahead that actually had better cover for me.  I undressed and checked and found out that it wasn’t as bad as I had first thought.  Using both Kleenex packs, I made the necessary adjustments and tPaulfully nothing showed through my pants.

 That was the last time I went hunting without taking along extra tampons, even if I had just finished the week before.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this story. I can smile now – but not then.

Oh God Not Now! (first excerpt)

This is the first excerpt of one of my more embarrassing moments hunting.  Looking back, I can smile now, but not then.

One of the most embarrassing moments in my life happened the second year I went hunting.  It was the first morning of the hunt, about 10:00 in the morning when I felt it.  I had started my period.  Here we were, out in the field miles from town or any civilization for that matter and I just started to bleed.  Of course this would be the month that I was having the period from hell too.  I didn’t have any tampons with me and there was no one to ask because I hunt with all men, not a woman for miles.  All I had in my pockets were a travel pack of Kleenexes, for the call of nature.  On the rare occasion that I can’t hold it any longer and finally give in to the pressure.

I asked Mitch quietly, “When are we going to break for lunch?”

“About noon, why?” he asked.

“How far are we from town?” I asked without answering his question.

“We’re about 50 miles from town.  Why, what’s up?” he asked again.

I looked around to make sure no one else could hear us.  It didn’t matter that we live together and this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, I am just uncomfortable discussing certain things with anyone.

“I have a problem.”

“What, do you need to go to the bathroom?” We started playing 20 questions.

“Sort of.” I said hedging.

He lifted an eyebrow, “Do you have to do more than pee?”

“It’s not that!”

“Well then, what is the matter?”

“I started my period.” I looked around again; just to be sure no one was anywhere close that might overhear us.

“You didn’t know that it was going to start?’

“No, I have been having some problems lately.”  I hadn’t told him about that either.

Then like a man, he said, “Well did you bring something?”

“No, if I didn’t know it was going to happen then why would I bring something?” Men.


I stood there looking very uncomfortable, knowing the longer I did nothing, the worse it was getting.  I could just imagine in my mind what I would look like from behind in a matter of minutes.