It’s the end of March, Spring has officially arrived but Mother Nature wants us to know who’s really in charge around here.
Photos by Susan Kelly using a 55-250mm lens
I think I’m finally becoming comfortable in my own skin. It took me long enough. In my younger days I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to be what I wasn’t. In school, I wanted to be liked and popular. I wasn’t. When my children were growing up, I tried to be the perfect mother. I failed. I always felt that I wasn’t enough. Not smart enough, not pretty enough, not savvy enough. I was always chasing windmills in my mind. Always playing catch up and never getting even let alone ahead. I watched everyone else and wished that I could be like them and inherit the innate gifts they possessed. I didn’t realize that I had value and talent.
The road to self-confidence and self-love has been long and arduous with serious setbacks along the way. Growing up and growing wiser are not mutually synonymous. There’s proof of that in the news every day. There are moments I wish I could go back in time just to slap myself upside the head and tell me that I had so much potential and to not waste it. But alas, there is no going back, just the road ahead to be the person I want to be. I found that I am less afraid of the future and what it holds. I meet each day with excitement for each new discovery. There is so much I want to do and see. My biggest fear is not what the future holds but if I will get to do all the things I want to do.
As I’ve gotten older, maybe not wiser, I’ve gotten more and less tolerant. More tolerant of different lifestyles and political views, I don’t care who lives with whom and what you want to do behind closed doors. (As long as it’s not hurtful to others.) Less tolerant of stupidity and cruelty, I will never understand or accept the cruel nature of some people and the need to inflict pain whether physical or mental upon another living being. I’m harder on criminal actions now. I believe in the death penalty. I believe that anyone committing a crime with a weapon deserves the death penalty. If you have a weapon in the commission of a crime, you obviously have no regard for human life, so you should get the same consideration in kind. (Some may think that is an oxymoron, oh well.)
I have discovered that self-doubt in small doses is not a bad thing, listen to that little voice in the back of my head, but put it in perspective. Jumping off a cliff is stupid, but not taking a chance on a relationship or a new experience because of fear that the outcome will not meet my expectation is far worse. Fear of failure is normal, no one wants to fail, but trying is not failing, it’s just not succeeding. This time. Next time may be a huge success. Never give up.
Today is my birthday and this is my birthday wish to everyone. Never give up. Always reach for the stars, you never know when you’ll reach one.
Daylight Savings Time is going to be the death of me. This is a government plot to totally screw up everybody’s body clock and thus take over the world. I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since Friday night, the night before this madness took over. The dogs are all out of sync, they don’t know whether it’s time to eat, go for a walk or bedtime.
Mitch’s work schedule mandates that we go to bed very early in the evening in order to be up and bright eyed at 2:30 in the morning. Now with Daylight Savings Time, I feel like I’m going to bed in the middle of the afternoon and by the time I finally fall asleep, it’s time to get up and start all over again, sans bright eyed. I know, I’m whining, sorry.
Daylight Savings Time started in World War I in order to conserve energy, but in adding more light to end of the day we sacrifice the early morning light. In fact most farmers are against Daylight Savings Time and I’m with them. I get up very early every day, albeit our schedule demands it, but I’m also an early riser naturally. I figure that if someone wants more daylight hours, get up an hour earlier. Why can’t the world change just for me? Now I’m really whining, sorry. But I’m the one here suffering from massive fatigue and sleep deprivation, so I get to complain. Mitch is not the least bit out of sync; he can sleep through a nuclear blast. Notice that now I’m getting cranky on top of the fatigue.
I see a trip to Walmart for some over the counter sleeping pills in my future.
Mitch hates me. He told me. That this revelation came after spending an hour and a half at Lowes and another forty-five minutes at Home Depot in search of plumbing parts for the new dishwasher is a moot point. I can’t help it that I have no idea what plumbing parts, elbows and tees, shut offs and hoses and whatnot are required to install the new dishwasher. I don’t do plumbing or electrical for that matter. But Mitch can stand for hours and does, staring at the vast assortment of whosidossals and create a masterful linkage of plumbing parts to connect the existing water lines and drains to the new dishwasher.
For the most part while Mitch rummaged through PVC pipes, elbows and tees I wandered through Lowes looking for stuff I just couldn’t live without. I found all sorts of cool stuff too. I bought a storage holder for the aluminum foil and plastic wrap. I found two twelve inch cabinets to slide in next to the dishwasher to take up the empty space we made removing the large cabinet for the spot to install the dishwasher, one with a drawer and one without to choose from. I looked at paint chips to paint the cabinets after the dishwasher installation is complete. The idea of painting the cabinets just makes Mitch cringe. I bought basil seeds to plant. I found a mirror I liked. All this while Plumbing Man was mesmerized by PVC whatnots.
Frustrated Lowes didn’t have something he needed even though we spent $85 on plumbing connectors and things; Mitch wanted to run to Home Depot to check out their plumbing section. Once again while Plumbing Man listened to sound of the Plumbing Siren, I went off in search of much more interesting stuff. The Siren doesn’t call to women evidently. I found more paint chips and checked out their selection of house plants.
I wandered back to find Mitch mumbling to himself still in search of the perfect plumbing concoction to magically make plumbing nirvana. I started yawning from the stifling heat in Home Depot and sheer boredom. In order to entertain myself and help pass the time I looked at the wall of gizmos opposite from where Mitch was standing. I looked down and saw a package with a hose and an assortment of plumbing connectors that said “Universal Dishwasher Connection Kit”. For the bargain price of $14.98 it contained everything Mitch needed to connect the dishwasher to the existing water lines and drains. I showed it to him and asked if it would work. He stared at it for a few minutes, then looked at me and said, “I hate you.”
Guess who will be taking all of the unneeded plumbing parts back?