Tag: evil

A Poor Lost Soul

A washing machine has mysteriously appeared in front on our little burg’s City Hall.  It showed up last week and so far no one has come to claim it.  I have to ask myself if there was some ulterior motive behind the washing machine’s sudden appearance.  Is someone trying to make a point?  Does the City need to clean its dirty laundry?  Does the City have dirty laundry?  We live in a teeny tiny city with a population of about 250, only about 122 homes.  So how much dirty laundry can we have? 

The front entrance to the parking lot at City Hall is well lit with one of those horrendously bright mercury vapor lights, so I would think that the person or persons dropping off said washing machine were well illuminated and therefore either very gutsy or complete idiots.  Or maybe they were wearing cloaking devices that shielded their identities.  I wouldn’t have the nerve or the stupidity to discard an appliance in front of a city municipality structure.  I guess my parents beat the fear of consequences too well into my hardhead growing up.  Maybe that’s the problem today, minimal or no consequences for our actions.  Sorry I almost climbed up on my soapbox.

Anyway back to the speculation about the wayward washing machine.  Could it have run away from home, tired of all the dirty clothes it had been forced day in and day out to clean; now choosing to live a life on the mean streets of our humble little burg?  Maybe it’s just waiting for the bus, even though no bus ever comes to our fair town (not counting the school bus).  Maybe the previous owners are just getting a jump on our annual City Cleanup day.  The only problem with that theory is that one of the rules of the City Cleanup is no appliances.      

Maybe I should take pictures of the washing machine and post around the city and surrounding areas to see if anyone has lost the machine and is looking for it.  Wouldn’t that be a happy ending?

I am an Evil Person

I’ve been slowly and methodically corrupting Mitch, bringing him to the dark side without his knowledge.  It is so much fun.  To know Mitch is to know what an old soul he is.  I think he was born old.  He has never done some of the truly inane antics everyone has done growing up.  I am constantly shocked at the lack of silly things he hasn’t done.  Every teenager has at one time or another has cut donuts in a parking lot.  Not Mitch.  Mitch was into “entrepreneurial” endeavors growing up.  He had no time for crazy immature behavior.

So now I have to help him make up for all that lost time, even if I have to drag him kicking and screaming into having silly fun.  I can’t go into all of the things he never did, the list would be too long.  But I’m going to help him cross them all off the list, one silly act at a time. 

Last night for dessert, we had leftover pumpkin pie (who doesn’t).  I got the Reddi-Wip aerosol whipped cream out of the fridge to put on his slice and the dogs got very close.  They know what comes out of the can.  AJ has taught Orso that if he sits in front of me with his mouth open, I’ll squirt some in.  It is hilarious to watch whip cream flying through the air and landing in and around the dog’s mouth.  Charlie wants it too but won’t let you get close to him with the can.  He wants the Reddi-Wip squirted on your hand and he’ll lick it off.  Sissy.  Well I asked Mitch if he wanted some squirted in his mouth and he said. “Absolutely not!”  He’d never done that as a kid and wasn’t about to start now.  Really!  I laughed so hard.  Everybody has squirted Reddi-Wip into their mouths.  It was almost a rule, once you opened the can, some had to be squirted in your mouth.  Everybody knows that.

Well needless to say, I harassed him long enough and with the right amount of wine already consumed, he relented and let me squirt some into his mouth.  The look was priceless.  I still laugh when I remember the look on his face.  I asked if he wanted more and sadly, he declined.  Oh well, one down many more to go.

Poor Mitch.