I Did it Again

I fell again today. This in itself is not new; I have a special knack at falling. I don’t know why I fall all the time, I just always seem to find the right circumstance and my body capitalizes on the moment and topples over. Granted there are a lot of times the dogs do all they can to help me crash and burn. They will give chase to an animal like a squirrel, deer or a yeti while I’m attached at the other end of the leash. Or they will hit me from behind while chasing each other around the yard. But a lot of my falls are all on me.

Mitch is not surprised anymore on my falls, what surprises him is the circumstance that causes the fall. One time was when I was carrying a four foot stepladder from one spot to another, earning me the nickname, “Dances with Ladders”. Another time it was a simple misstep to avoid a super cheap solar light causing me to fall down a flight of steps and crash into the house. I cannot count the number of ways that I’ve fallen lately; it seems that a day doesn’t go by that I haven’t fallen either over something or backwards or just walking across the floor. Maybe I’m top heavy like those high profile SUV’s that fall over in tight turns or on windy highways. Or maybe I’m just clumsy. As Mitch says, “It’s a gift.

This morning’s fall was once again a task that normal people would have no trouble accomplishing without even slowing them down. My only possible excuse is the weather and Casual Friday, and that’s iffy at best. The Midwest has been hammered with rain and storms for the last couple of weeks. Everything is water soaked and there is no real end in sight. Because it’s Casual Friday I had on jeans and deck shoes so that if the rain stops at lunch time I can come home and give the dogs a midday walk. I was on my way out the door to work, I had my purse, my lunch bag and my keys in my hand when I pulled the door closed. The door didn’t close all of the way so I turned around to pull it to the limit, just to make sure it was latched. Don’t want someone to come and steal the dogs, yeah right like that’s going to happen.

Anyway, when I turned back toward the door my deck shoes slipped on the slick wet wooden steps and I went down hard. The storm door whacked me on my right shoulder blade adding insult to injury. My left knee and shin were stinging, my right thigh burned and my right palm was on fire. I stood up and looked down at my dirty wet jeans and unlocked the door, evidently it was closed enough to catch the lock. I went in and took my shoes off, pulled off my wet dirty jeans and took off my top because it was also wet and dirty.

I checked my knee, shin and thigh. I am sporting a six inch thin bruise along my right thigh, my knee has the skin abraded off of it which will bruise up and I have a large knot and a bruise on my shin. I thought the whole purpose of deck shoes was that they helped a person maintain their balance on wet wood surfaces like decks and docks. Why is it only me that cannot do a simple task like turn around?

The Long Weekend

If I survive the weekend, it will be a miracle.  Friday started off with great promise.  I had an appointment to get my stitches out, woo hoo!  That meant a real shower in my future.  One that doesn’t have my foot and lower leg triple bagged to stay dry.  A shower that I could luxuriate in letting hot water wash over me with a wonderfully scented shower gel that I could lather up all over.  Ah, heaven.

But no, that is not in my future, not for another week.  My doctor unwrapped my foot, poked at my toes and wiggled them around to show me that everything is healing nicely even though my foot was very swollen.  After the sharp intakes of air and scrunching my face into grotesque masks of pain, the doctor left to get some contraption he said would help bring down the swelling.  Mitch told me how proud he was of me.  I asked him what he meant and he said he was surprised I didn’t start swearing.  I said that it was close, but I controlled myself.  I didn’t want the doctor to run fleeing the room in fear for his life.

He came back in with a compression squeezer that I have no intention of putting on because it was terribly painful when he slipped it on and dragged it past my stitches.  The doctor then pulled at two of my stitches and explained that though the incision was not gaping, it was not healed enough to remove the rest of the stitches.  Did I mention how much it hurt to have the two stitches removed?  Anyway after all of the manipulation, foot squeezing and stitch pulling, I was ready to go home and lay down for a while.  Plus I was so bummed out that I didn’t get my stitches out.

After resting for a while, I got up to get something unimportant, lost my balance and fell backwards hitting the back of my skull on my nightstand.  God that hurt so bad.  Crying and grabbing the back of my head to feel for blood, luckily I didn’t split my skull open but there was a huge lump already.  I dragged myself over to where I could reach my cellphone and called Mitch who was walking the dogs, because I wasn’t sure how bad it was and I was scared.  It was this awful stabbing pain that felt like a thousand needles in the back of my head.  All I could think of was that I had fractured my skull.  Mitch rushed back, helped me off the floor and put me back in bed.  He examined my head and got ice packs to help bring down the large knot at the base of my skull.  I think I scared him as much as I scared me.  No blurred vision, no nausea and my pupils worked so we decided not to go to the emergency room.  Just rest and watch me.  Sorry not this time Aflac.

Saturday I woke up, surprise I didn’t die in my sleep.  I’m really glad for that.  We went to the grocery store, my first outing since other than work and the doctor’s office I’ve been pretty house bound.  The day was pleasant, clear skies and mild, Mitch was going to mow and weed eat the yard.  This is my job because when Mitch mows or weed eats, he mows and weed eats everything growing.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  It’s in the way, so it has to go.  In order for that to not happen, Mitch set me up in a chair on the porch and with blue flags he walked around the yard pointing at various plants waiting for a mow or no mow sign from me.  If I gave the no mow sign he planted a blue flag next to it.  The grass was terribly tall, so mowing would take a while.

The dogs and I decided to go back in the house while Mitch slaved away.  I opened the kitchen door let the dogs in and started in myself.  I hopped in got the left crutch planted when the door closed on the right crutch throwing me off balance.  I started to fall forward and accidentally put weight on my left foot.  As soon as I realized what I was doing I lifted my foot which caused me to fall forward to my knees.  There is no way I could stand up from that position so I had to drag myself to the bathroom and pulled myself up on the toilet.  I am so graceful.

Please just let survive this weekend.