Mudslinging in Hooterville

Our little berg has finally hit the big time in the political arena. High stakes mudslinging and political intrigue has come in our election year. Our city government consists of four aldermen, a city clerk, city treasurer and the mayor. The lake is divided so that two aldermen represent one side of the lake and two other aldermen represent the other side. We hold elections every two years, voting for two of the aldermen, one on each side of the lake, and the mayor. The elections are usually very sedate, the aldermen and mayor usually run unopposed, because about the only way to have more than one candidate for each position is for the incumbent to retire, move away or die. We’re a pretty boring unassuming little town.

But not this year. This year we have it all, mudslinging, accusations and political intrigue. We even have political signs. That is a first here. Everyone knows who each of the candidates are, so why the signs? What’s even more interesting is that the one candidate for mayor has had signs out and around for months. That was pretty entertaining when walking the dogs, we could see who was supporting the candidate. The incumbent finally decided to put out some signs too. That’s when the political intrigue came into play. No sooner had he placed his signs around to a few homes when that very same night someone or someones stole almost every sign.

Now I don’t know about you, but all I can do is just shake my head. How dumb. This is not the way to win an election. Making absurd statements, accusations and theft does not warm my heart. If you want to get my vote then let’s focus on some positives. Tell me what you will do for the community and more importantly me.

I think one of the candidates should offer to do something better for the community like make Tuesday Ice Cream Day. Everybody gets a scoop of ice cream. Then the other candidate could up the ante to Two Scoop Tuesday. Everybody would get two scoops. Who doesn’t like ice cream? An even better idea would be Wine Wednesday. One candidate could make a campaign promise to provide a glass of wine to all legal voting residents. The other candidate could come back with a promise of chocolate and wine. That would definitely get my attention.

The candidate that makes the best offer wins. Then the mayor would supply a glass or two to all residents (of legal age, of course). That would certainly make the community a better place, who isn’t happier after a glass or two of wine? I know I’m certainly happier after two glasses of wine.