Yoga Stylin’

Let me preface this by saying I am not trying to make fun of anyone in particular, except maybe myself. I’m a very easy target and there is so much about me to laugh at, I don’t need to mock anyone else. In an effort to get in better shape, stronger and leaner, I have started taking yoga classes again. A noble quest, to get stronger, balanced and more at peace with myself. By now you’re saying to yourself, “Yeah right,” and you would be correct. Me balanced and at peace with myself? Not going to happen, ever. But I keep working at it. You know what they say, it’s the journey not the destination and for me a long journey.

As I was saying, I started taking a yoga class at a local yoga studio. I decided that I would start with one class a week for five weeks. This way I could get a feel for the class, instructor and if I could even keep up. Surprisingly, I kept up well with the movements and flow, moving into poses that I had forgotten I could do. I even tried my hardest not to look around at the other students, knowing if I did, my super competitive nature would take over and I would be challenging myself to do each move faster, higher or lower than anyone else. Even though yoga is not a game to win, but a lifestyle, I have to be mindful not to try and turn it into a competition.

I noticed that all the other participants seem to know each other and the instructor quite well. I was the odd man out so to speak. In order to not try and interject myself into everyone else, I would place my mat at the back all the way to the left so I could observe and stay somewhat separated from the others. Plus added bonus, I was closest to the door, so if I did something truly embarrassing, I could pick up my stuff and be out the door without walking past everyone else. You know, something like crashing into the next person, while trying to stand in tree pose or farting while in dead bug pose. It happens.

On my last class, we were going through a series of movements, from downward dog to plank, then back to downward dog when I looked up to see what the instructor wanted us to do next and instead I saw the rear end of the woman in front of me and to the right. Not trying to stare, but she just happened to be in the right position with her butt stuck up in the air and her yoga pants were stretched tight. Her black stretch pants were not very thick, instead quite thin letting me see that she had on white underwear under the pants. I could not look away fast enough. Now I had this visual I couldn’t shake, no matter how hard I tried. All I could think of was, “Oh god, does my butt look that bad? Don’t look again, no don’t look.”

For the rest of the class I tried to watch the instructor but not see the “see-through show” in front of me. I am sorry to say I didn’t say anything to the woman, but at the same time what would I have said? “Nice white underwear or I bet you didn’t get hot in class.” All I wanted was to get out of class, go home and look in the mirror.

Future yoga classes will see me in something very opaque, maybe leggings and sweats?

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